happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
