I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize