What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
