yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
