I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
