Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
