I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
