Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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