i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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