and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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