I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
