I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
