you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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