You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
