I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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