wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize