So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
