Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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