I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
