Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
