And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
