Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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