I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
