walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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