I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
