he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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