I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize