Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
