Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
