the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
