My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
