Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
