last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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