Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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