All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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