So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
