I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
