don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love having hate sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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