Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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