i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
