Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize