this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
