You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize