It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
