How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
