1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
