Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
