It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
