You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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