1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
