I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
