i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
