dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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