our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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