Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
