You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
