The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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