he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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