she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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