Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
