Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
