He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize