I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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