there's paper in my vomit.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
