Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
