Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
