Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
