i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
