He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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