i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
