Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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